Have you ever found yourself pondering the question, “Hm, I wonder what MC Hammer thinks about online social networking?”

Me neither.

Usually, more often than not I find myself instead asking the question, “What!? You’re shitting me. MC Hammer is still alive?!”

Not only is he still alive, but apparently he has a million plus people following him on Twitter. I know. I didn’t get the memo either.

So why mention him now?

He has been traveling around California recently as a key speaker for the Gravity Summit, which at its core, is basically a conference for investors to gather and exchange knowledge on how to pimp the internet and its users to pull in more exposure to their brands. MC Hammer selling out? Never!

Wait, that’s right. Selling out is what he does best.

“Being in the center of my universe is important to me. That’s what Twitter lets me do… I want to get out in front of the conversation.”

If their was a nuclear war tomorrow, there would be nothing left living on the charred remnants of this planet but cockroaches and MC Hammer. I have no doubts that the man would make a deal with the bugs to ensure his survival.

He started out as a fairly decent Oakland based rapper. “Turn This Mutha Out” was a hype joint no doubt. But then he found immense fame by spitting two bit lyrics over Rick James loops. After that, it wasn’t about creativity. It was all about the dollar. Exhibit A:

[youtube WRAg_bjxTPg nolink]

The level of lyricism displayed there actually makes the line “Go, ninja, go, ninja, go!” look near Shakespearean. But Hammer sold out to the man, so all was buttery and sweet.

Then, in the wee bitty years of the 90’s, something strange occurred:

Gangsta Rap.

Hammer was undoubtedly like “Holy shit, I better lose those cameos on the Brady Bunch and Flintstones movie soundtracks like now! Get my agent on the phone, I need some malt liquor STAT!”

So once again, he “reinvents” himself. What you didn’t know? Hammer is a gangsta.

[youtube HoWsNhpY9Ec nolink]

He signs to Deathrow Records and proceeds to write and record music that actually makes us yearn for the good old days of the Adam’s Family Rap. What did we ever do to you, Hammer?

Now a days, he would have us believe that he is a “Reality Star”, with his new A&E show which follows his busted up family around. Where were the cameras when his mansion was being repossessed? I would have watched that. In fact, the only thing I would take advice from MC Hammer on is how to manage my money, and how to disperse it amongst my posse.

Then I would do the exact opposite.

Am I being a hater here? Well, maybe. What can I say, I hate fakes in Hip Hop. Especially those who not just benefit, but actually exceed in life because they turncoat, run, and assimilate instead of standing up for the art form.

Now the man is a speech giving expert on how to whore yourself, on our m-fucking internets no less!

For this reason, I have to award the “rapper” HHN.com’s prestigious fuck off and die award.

Filed under: Editorial by Jonathan